Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Thoughts at Samhain

This week marks the 20th anniversary of my father's death.  In many ways it's hard to believe it has been such a long time.  In other ways it seems like so much longer.  I can't begin to count the number of times I've seen or read something and thought how I would like to discuss it with him.  There are so many questions that I wish I'd have asked.  I miss him to the depths of my soul.

On the other hand, years ago he came to me in a dream.  My father's favorite pasttime was fishing and when he came to me we sat together in a small boat with lines in the water but no fish to be seen.  We talked and we laughed under clear skies on a still lake.  I awoke from that dream feeling warm and happy and knew that my sadness at his passing was because of what I was missing, not because something terrible had happened to him.  He has come to me several times over the years just to assure me that I need not mourn for his sake.

My father was a Cold Warrior.  He spent a lifetime in the US Air Force.  He sat on a frozen flightline in alert B-52s and flew to failsafe positions.  I asked him once what it was like during the Cuban MIssle Crisis.  What were he and his fellow NCOs thinking?  He told me that they were sitting there waiting to go bomb Russia - to destroy the world.  I could see in his eyes and hear in his voice something rarely detected in my father - fear.  He wasn't some brain-washed GI ready to kill for a flag.  He was a husband and a father who knew that if he ever had to complete his mission, it likely meant death for the world.

That was certainly not my father's greatest accomplishment, but some of his secrets are just for his family.  My father was much more than a man in uniform. He loved history. My first degree was in history - so was his although I didn't know that until my degree was complete. He also loved to whistle. I love to whistle too. I didn't know he whistled until after he died.  This Samhain, as I have for many years, I will speak to him again.  20 years?  It's hard to fathom because I frequently still hear his voice in my mind.  He fashioned my ethics and any time I am in doubt as to the right thing to do, I hear his voice telling me that I know the right answer.

There are many others who will be called this Samhain.  When the veil is thin our hearts can bridge the gap with ease.  I hope that you get to touch the soul of someone you love.  I hope that, for a few moments at least, you can share sacred space with someone you miss.  Be it the soul from a creature who walked on two legs or on four, call to someone you love during this season of Samhain.  A new year is about to begin so start it with those you love no matter on which side of the veil they stand.

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